Beans, Baked

Preparation

1. Bland

   Step 1

   Stir in some ketchup or barbecue sauce or chile sauce or Tabasco sauce or brown sugar or rosemary or (what the heck?) all of them.

2. Burned

   Step 2

   See Appendix A.

3. Not enough

   Step 3

   Combine them with lima beans or kidney beans. Honestly, most any bean (besides, perhaps, green) will work beautifully: great northern, cannellini, navy, pinto. And this is a place where canned works very well. Add brown sugar, or molasses and sugar, or maple syrup to make them taste more beany.

4. Salty

   Step 4

   If they’re very salty, about all you can do is add more beans (but not more salt, for goodness’ sake). If they’re just slightly salty, a little brown sugar and/or a little vinegar will tend to override the salty flavor.

5. Time is short

   Step 5

   Beans for baking should be soaked overnight. If you don’t have time to do that, cover the beans with at least an inch of water in a pot, bring to a boil, then turn off the heat. Let the beans soak for an hour or two until they’re nice and plump, then drain off the water and continue with baking as usual. If you don’t have even that much time, add 1 teaspoon baking soda to 1 pound or so of beans, cover them with water, and cook on the stove over medium heat until they are soft, but not mushy, about 40 minutes. Add more water, if necessary, while they cook. Then drain off the water and bake as usual.

6. Uncertain quality

   Step 6

   Dump the raw beans in water. The good ones will sink and the bad ones will float. Just as in real life.